A what?!

A fanfic soundtrack? It goes like this: each chapter will have a song -- that comes from me listening to too much Orgy and Finger Eleven at the time, although they aren't the only artists in my "soundtrack". (I tried this idea once for "Caged Bird" but it failed utterly. This time around I have a better start.) I'm always relating songs to characters, and for this story, the idea worked out particularly well. I would have uploaded the mp3's for people, but I really don't have that much space...sorry!

At the end of the chapter-songs (12 and beyond) are some other songs that I associate with the characters of this story; you can substitute some of them in if you like. ^.^

There are some spoilers in these "liner notes", so if you haven't read the story yet, go read each chapter before its song first!

Yeah, yeah, it's kind of out of place. But the tone of the first chapter is different than the others. Besides, this was the kind of person Mara was before everything happened to her -- NOT a candy-perfume girl, but someone who liked this kind of music, anyway. She's exactly not a candy-perfume girl, which is why I find this amusing.

Young velvet porcelain boy,	Rufus is a rich kid; velvet-porcelain works well for him.
Devour me when you're with me...
Blue wish window seas	This song makes no sense to me, but I like it anyway.
Speak delicious fires...
I'm your candy perfume girl.	As I said, Mara's not anyone's candy-perfume girl.
Moist warm desire,
Fly to me...
Rush me, ghost you see,	Ooh! Ghost!
Every center my home.
Fever steam girl...
Throb the oceans...
Did I lie to you?
Candy perfume girl
Did I lie to you?
Magic poison
You're a candy perfume boy.	Yes, Rufus is the kind of guy who would give candy and perfume, don't you think?
The sacred nerve is magic poison...
It's candy

Yes, there's way too much Orgy on this soundtrack. I can't help it -- the themes of their music go well with this story. I see this song as being from all of the victims of Hojo and Jenova: Mara, Sephiroth, Cloud, Zack and Vincent.

fe...ti...sha...
Day glow, all of you,	Well, their eyes are day-glow, anyway O.o
Made for those little sick ones...
Played out in super drag,
Mistreat another piece of you...
Pleasing you was a trick --	See Vincent Gaiden 2. ;_;
Raping you all with a stick...
Arming up with more reasons
To snap you out of bliss...
Cut out of aliester fiend;	I've never learned, what is an "aliester fiend"?
You're entering this machine.	The fishtank!
Glaring, one eye for me,
Just a second, and a chance to see you
Violated by a crowd of me.
It's getting bigger,
Like you used to be...
Tell them all she won't be back,	Nope, Mara's not coming back.
'Cause she needed a change.	Not the same as she used to be...
Turned away from her fears,
She's been falling down...
Tell them all she's gonna be gone, gone, gone.
Just listen to me...
Leaving your new found cool,	This could be Mara's breakout, or Hojo taunting Vincent.
What will you do, sick one? Oh, no...
Promising your filthiness --
Something strange your catalyst...	Always struck me as Vincent, shape-shifting.
Fetisha...	This sound calls to mind when Hojo sweeps his hand over Mara's eyes. It's a sensual motion, as she swoons backwards...
This beloved perversion...
Slide over, I've come to kill what you do!	Flashes of our team: Cloud and Zack, brandishing their swords,
Bend over, I've come to cure all of you!	Sephiroth, leaping down at you with his sword leading,
Slide over, I've come to kill what you do!	Vincent, coldly staring you in the eye with his gun aimed,
Crack over, I've come to cure all of you!	Mara, apparently in agony as she casts a spell.
'Cause she needed the friends.
She will always be, she will always be,
Because she needed the friends.
She will always know me, she will always know me,
She needed the fringe.
Deemed to follow the fears before she goes;
She will always know me...

I think it's pretty obvious why this song reminds me of Mara. It's a pretty song, too, and in a similar vein as the rest of the soundtrack.

Good God, have I been dreaming?	Mara had lots of fun dreams, now didn't she?
This paralyzing feeling...
Was I left alone? Where have you gone?	And where did the ghost go?
Were you somewhere else, just sleeping?	We know he was right there, sleeping.
If I wait to wake you,	Too bad she wasn't the one to wake him..
I'll never ask you --
Would you take my hand	Every time I think of "hands" and Vincent, the irony slaps me.
In the deepest end?
Would you stay and drown in me?	Mara's lonely, and depressed. That's like drowning...
My open eyes see everything...
But I'm passing all the days
Through a window pane --	The "window pane" could be the tank or Nibelheim;
And as the scene would change,	the scene changed, but she was still in the same place!
I'd stay the same.
This paradise was nothing new;	Calling Nibelheim a "paradise" is a kind of irony.
But the paradise gets tired of you...
A single conversation
Stole my attention...
My open eyes see everything
And you see nothing...!
And don't forget it...

What else would name the Meteor? =D I find this song so hard to understand, but hell, I can twist things around as well as any horoscope writer. =P

In my eyes, indisposed,	Hmm...could this refer to Sephiroth? But when was he ever in disguise? Unless his human-like body was the disguise of his seraphim-ish form...
In disguise as no one knows,
Hides the face, lies the snake:
The sun in my disgrace.
Boiling heat, summer stench;
'Neath the black the sky looks dead.	The sky did look damn strange after Meteor...
Call my name through the cream	Cream? How about "Lifestream"? (And it rhymes!)
And I'll hear you scream again...
Black hole sun, won't you come,	Tres appropriate.
And wash away the rain?
Black hole sun, won't you come,
Won't you come?
Stuttering, cold and damp;
Steal the warm wind, tired friend.
Times are gone for honest men	Pretty funny when you apply it to the corruption in the Shinra.
And sometimes far too long for snakes...
In my shoes, a walking sleep,	Kinda like Cloud's long delusion...
And my youth I pray to keep;
Heaven send Hell away,	I love these two lines...in this context, they would refer to Aeris.
No one sings like you anymore...
Hang my head, drown my fear,
Till you all just disappear...

I've always thought of this song as being to Zack from either Mara or Cloud, or both. I just have no idea what "Eva" is. O.o

You know I've started to grow
Since you've been away.
Lately, it's scarier not knowing
what's become of you.
Are you proud of me now? I can't tell...
I'm not as fearless as you...
Still, I pretend that you're still standing by,
To show me wrong from right.
Never got a chance to say goodbye...
Take this gift from me,
hold it deep in mind, forever,
And never let this go.
I used to think you were crazy
When you were hooked to the screen.
But now they tell me that you're in a better place --
But where did you go?
And I swear sometimes you're watching over me.
Still, I'd give the world for the chance
Just to see your face again...
Now, there's nothing left but time.
Know that I'm following you...
Eva's always on my mind,
and it makes me wonder:
What happened to you?
You know it makes me wonder...

Actually, I don't feel the need for too much commentary on this song; it's pretty straightforward. Zack was someone both Mara and Cloud looked up to.

You can't escape	This line is SOOOO good. He can't get away from his memories.
What makes you tragic, you know.
Vicious 'cause you want to be,
Leaving time possessed to please you.	He gave time the finger, didn't he? Heh.
"What might have been"	His hopes for Lucrecia...
Was never the way you envisioned things.
So difficult to stop pretending...	...was he pretending to have let them go?
What's this to you, anyway?
Turn down the voluptuous,	Poor Mara. L
Keeping close to me again.
Hold back you virtues;	This is like when he was in the Turks (see the Gaiden, where he talks about morals vs. work).
You're fearless in motion...
You found your way, so why keep asking me?
Nothing common suits you,	Vincent comes across a as being aloof;
You live again in solitary.	does he think he's too good for others?
Look away for now: beautiful, alone...	No, but he denies himself and Mara constantly.
Now who decides to settle down?
Maybe nobody really cares --
What's this to you, anyway?
Something dirty's got you dear,	Hojo's meddlings left Vincent in quite a mess...
Makes me want to be with you...	yet Mara finds that intriguing.
Something painful's with you dear,
Makes me want to be with you...
You're better off saying nothing;
Wish for a happy ending.
You're better off saying nothing;
Repent so all's forgiven.

7. "Am I Inside", Alice in Chains

I had a hard time deciding on a song for this chapter, just because it really isn't about anything. I just picked out a dark, moody song that would convey how Vincent was feeling. Some of the lines are amusingly fitting, though. Besides, the guitar work reminds me of "The Nightmare Begins" (Vincent's theme).

Loneliness, it shadows me,	Vincent's as lonely as anyone, since he won't let himself feel anything.
Quicker than darkness;
Crawls to the surface of my skin,
Visibly surrounded by it.
Black is all I feel.
So this is how it feels to be free?	He hasn't recovered from his time with Hojo.
Surrounded by empty souls,
Artificial courage used...
And because so once was mine,
I walk this maze alone.
The man's beside himself,
Man's below himself,
Man's behind himself,
Am I inside myself?	Is he, indeed?
Chaos and hate shadow me,	Oooh...
Pain, it fills me up.	Also appropriate.
Only one thing makes me feel --
Missing better half of me.	Aww, he is lonely, just like Mara...

Wow, this song has a lot of words. O.o It's really not that long of a song, honestly. The first time I heard this after playing FF7, of course I thought of Vincent.

Reverend, Reverend,	Hojo is the "reverend". Reverend, doctor, whatever. ^.^;
Is this a conspiracy?
Crucified for no sins,
No revenge beneath me.	Lord knows Vin wanted revenge.
Lost within my plans for life,	He had thought that he and Lucrecia could be together forever, but she disabused him of that notion...
It all seems so unreal.
I'm a man cut in half in this world,
Left in my misery...
The reverend he turned to me,
Without a tear in his eyes;	Hojo didn't cry...did he?
It's nothing new for him to see.
I didn't ask him why...
I will remember
The love our souls had sworn to make.
Now I watch the falling rain...
All my mind can see now is your (face).
Well I guess you took my youth;	Yes, Vin lost some time, didn't he? O.o
I gave it all away.
Like the birth of a new-found joy,	I wouldn't call Sephiroth a "new-found joy", heh heh.
This love would end in rage.
And when she died, I couldn't cry,
The pride within my soul...
You left me incomplete.
All alone as the memories now unfold...
Believe the word:
I will unlock my door	This reminds me of the coffin and the crypt.
And pass the cemetery gates...
Sometimes when I'm alone,
I wonder aloud
If you're watching over me;	Apparently she was; she gave him Chaos and the Death Penalty...
Some place far abound.
I must reverse my life;
I can't live in the past...	He's got to let her go and move on, duh.
Then set my soul free,
Belong to me at last...
Through all those complex years,	Actually, this could be Vin talking about his time with the Turks, before he met Lucrecia.
I thought I was alone.
I didn't care to look around,
And make this world my own.
And when she died, I should've cried
And spared myself some pain...
Left me incomplete
All alone as the memories still remain.
The way we were;
The chance to save my soul;	Vin thought he was damned after Hojo got a hold of him...
And my concern is now in vain...
Believe the word:
I will unlock my door
And pass the cemetery gates...

This is a revision from the first song I had for this chapter (Finger Eleven's "Awake and Dreaming", Track 12). The lyrics are even more appropriate, and Layne Staley's voice conveys misery so well.

I have never felt such frustration
Or lack of self control.	Exactly what Vin felt after Hojo's new torture...
I want you to kill me and dig me under;
I wanna live no more...	He wanted to die of shame.
One who doesn't care
Is one who shouldn't be --
I've tried to hide myself
From what is wrong for me.
I want to taste dirty, stinging pistol	Again, he wants to die. Being a gunman, he might think in terms of death at gunpoint.
In my mouth, on my tongue...
I want you to scrape me from the walls,
And go crazy, like you've made me.	Ohh, yes.
You, you are so special --
You have the talent	Hojo is twisted enough to force Vin into this degradation. It is definitely "dirty".
To make me feel like dirt.
And you, you use your talent
To dig me under
And cover me with dirt.

10. "Sin", Stone Temple Pilots

I perused my STP stuff to see if I could find some other appropriate songs, and I found this gem. I always remember this song for the last lines there... they're in a bridge, so they stand out a bit. Anyway, this song doesn't have some frighteningly good correspondences like some of the others, but the mood is there.

Holy water clouds my thinking.	Maybe a euphemism for Jenova?
Sinking low now --
Keep on drinking...
Down you go, suffer long;	You have to ask, who's suffering, Vin or Hojo?
Down you go, sin make me strong...	It's Hojo's sins that make Vincent strong...isn't it?
You control me, soul you stole, mine...	Good line.
Wishful thinking --
Six feet under...	Well, he's in a coffin, anyways...
Dead by dreaming, sleep you steal, mine...	Oooh...another good line.
Pools of cold sweat --	Relates well to psychological torture..
Hatred burns me...
Holy water clouds my thinking.
Sinking low now --
Keep on drinking...
Feel what were my eyes;
Sink into the holes in my eyes.
My sins have made me blind --
Sink into the holes in my eyes.
Still shackled to the shadow,	Again, could this be a metaphor for Jenova?
Still shackled to the shadow,	! Or maybe Lucrecia's memory...hmm.
That followed you...

One of my favorite songs, this describes rather well being lost within your own despair and being unable to reach for help. And for the mood of the song, I'm sorry, but the unplugged version wins over the original. ^^;

Bury me softly in this womb.	Creepy. Weird. Sounds like seeking either the security of a mother, or sex.
I give this part of me for you.
Sand rains down, and here I sit,
Holding rare flowers in a tomb...	Well, so Vincent wasn't holding flowers, but...
In bloom.
Down in a hole,
and I don't know if I can be saved.
See my heart:	So very true.
I decorate it like a grave.
You don't understand	This line always confuses me...but somehow it seems fitting (although, it's better for Cloud!)
Who they thought I was supposed to be;
Look at me now,
A man who won't let himself be.	Also very true, and the point.
Down in a hole, losin' my soul;
Down in a hole, losin' control...	Yes, losing control...
I'd like to fly;	One of my favorite lines ever. In this version, it sounds as if they could be saying "die", not "fly".
But my wings have been so denied...
Down in a hole
and they've put all the stones in their place.	I think this means a cairn.
I've eaten the sun,
so my tongue has been burned of the taste.
I have been guilty
of kicking myself in the teeth;
I will speak no more	This is quite appropriate, at least.
of my feelings beneath.
Down in a hole, losin' my soul;
Down in a hole, feelin' so small;
Down in a hole, losin' my soul;
Down in a hole, out of control...
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied...

Even the title evokes Vincent. This was my original choice for Henkei 2, but "Dirt" was so much nastier and edgier. This song is melancholy and depressing; "Dirt" is suicidal.

I can't lose anything,	Very true. Vincent had nothing to lose at that point, so he thought.
So what's left is mine
And I win this time.	He wins by foiling Hojo's work with his silence.
Consolation day;
I'll make up a way,
I'll know now just what to say...
I'll get away from you,	Oh, did he want to get away...
Wait, and I'll be begging.	But Hojo broke him and made him beg.
I'll pull you down...	Even before that, Vin wanted to pull him down...
I saw it all again:	This sounds rather like Vincent musing about Lucrecia.
Fading memory
Became clear to me.
I try but I can't say
That I'm yours for good;
Support me, you said you would.
Awake and dreaming --	Of course, this part of Vincent's story comes later.
I'm only sleeping...

This is the Vincent song. It was a little bird named Stan who first pointed this out to me, and it's so fitting it's rather scary. To make myself feel better, I know that if I had been listening to STP while playing the game, as Stan had been, I would have made the correlation too. ^^;

Forward yesterday	A weird reference to time that fits Vincent well -- his past had wrapped around to the present. That is, Jenova, Hojo and Sephiroth.
Makes me wanna stay.
What they said was real;
Makes me wanna steal.
Livin' under house,	Yes, indeed.
Guess I'm livin', I'm a mouse.
All's I gots is time,	He doesn't have much else...
Got no meaning, just a rhyme...
Take time with a wounded hand,	Oh, so good.
'Cause it likes to heal.
Take time with a wounded hand;
Guess I like to steal.
I'm half the man I used to be:	Also incredibly appropriate.
This feeling as the dawn, it turns to gray...
Feelin' uninspired;
Think I'll start a fire.
Everybody run,
Bobby's got a gun.	Okay, wrong name, but...well...
"Think you're kinda neat,"
Then she tells me I'm a creep.	That would be Lucrecia.
Friends don't mean a thing;	Not literally true, but as I wrote in Chapter 8, it would take more than friends to help him...
Guess I'll leave it up to me...

As "Creep" was Vincent's song, this was Mara's for a long time. Some of it doesn't fit so well, but what does is good enough. Y'know, this song always sounded to me as if it could be by Garbage.

She lives the glamour days,	Little-known fact: Mara's a sharp dresser.
The Euro-fashion phase;
So set another trap some other way,	Before the War, Mara was pretty hard-to-get.
'Cause she's not biting.
And oh no, she's getting wasted again --	She got wasted a lot, heh heh.
Imagine that.
Hooked on saving face,
What are you thinking?
What are you doing here?
You pretend you're safe inside,
But I know what no one knows:
Where's the same, undefined by you	I always thought it was "We're", and "I'm defined". Changes the meaning for me. O.o;
As you're living through my eyes...
She's taking over the game,	Kind of reminiscent of how she tries to help the rebels, even though she's still with Shinra.
And always running away.
They've tried to tug her in so many ways,
Still, she's inviting.
And oh no, she's playing bastard again --	Don't quite know what this means.
Imagine that.
Hooked on pointing fingers,
Are you breathing?
What are you doing here?
'Cause it's a union of androgyny	Uh...what?
That lingers like the plague;
Know it's still a question of gender.
Imagine she's pretending
That she's hooked on saving face;
What were you thinking?
What are you doing here?

A haunting song. I didn't quite write Mara and Vincent's relationship this way, but I thought about it. It would be Mara falling in love with Vincent's illness, "his tragedy" as she put it. That would have made for a very different outcome, I think.

This is where your sanity gives in,	Falling in love with someone as tragic and haunted as Vincent could be insanity, indeed.
And love begins.
Never lose your grip,	Mara would be in serious trouble if she fell into the dark world of Vincent's mind.
Don't trip, don't fall;
You'll lose it all.
The sweetest way to die...	I think that death is figurative here, but...
It lies deep inside;
You can not hide.
It's the meanest fire...	Undeniable and forceful love.
Oh, it's a strange desire.
You can not lie;
That's a needless fight.
When your blood runs dry,	That's a creepy thought.
You're paralyzed:
It will eat your mind.	The love, that is.
Did you hold it back?
It comes to you in slow attacks --
It's the meanest fire...

This could be a kind of summary of Henkei. It's a dark, creepy song, and angry, so it fits the mood.

Find you in the dark,
Read you like a cheap surprise:
Without shame,	Hojo ruthlessly used Vincent as a test subject to "frame his name", i.e., gain fame for his work.
Sell me out and frame your name.
I can hear when the pig whispers sweetly...
Jealousy is the weapon: you kill me.	So true.
Keep a dime for a truth you might tell.
You towed the line, and I know it was mine.
Couldn't hide, write a wave, ride a lie;
Let me know, can I, "friend", ask you why?	An interesting question.
Rolling back the days,
With my friend I love to play
The "Little One"...	Huh?
Superman with silver gun.	That would be Vincent.
Wait for me,
Take a dive, take a piece of my life.
Wait for me,
Tell a lie, try to take my wife.	Well, not wife per se, but...
Wait for me,
Take a dive, take a piece of my life.
Close to me,	Would being close to Vincent leave one numb? Hojo, numb to his new immorality?
And I'll leave you numb...